I often wonder what my husband is thinking. A man that I worked with this summer said that women give men too much credit; that at any given moment men are only thinking about one of two things: 1) food and 2) things that bring them pleasure! And though we all got a chuckle from those words, I'd like to think that there's really more to them than that.
It's hard to get him to talk. I can ask him any factual question and he always knows the answer. He can tell me all kinds of information: names and places, events and dates and nearly anything I could possibly imagine. But what I really want to know is how he feels.
Is he happy? Not just passing moments of pleasure that shine brightly for awhile then burn out, but real joy that comes from within?
Does he still have dreams? We all have them when we start out on this journey...but what is his passion now, as we settle into the middle-age years and his younger aspirations have matured?
And above all, does he still love me? In the hectic days of raising children, jobs and bills it's easy to take the things that seem set for granted. Is he glad he married me, or does he look back longingly at his bachelorhood days when he had his own bathroom and time for things of his choosing?
Perhaps I will never know what he's thinking or where he goes when his mind drifts away to another place. It is a chasm that I want to cross because with sharing comes closeness and connection. Realistically, I may never have admittance to the entryway that leads there, but I will never stop dreaming of that pathway nor of a conversation that is big enough for two.