Thursday, February 03, 2011

Hope Awaits

After such a long absence, it's hard to find the right words to transition my life of last summer into what I live now. But somehow this photograph, taken several years ago, seemed to fit. In it our beloved dog, G.T., looks out over the horizon into a waiting world....a world he is no longer part of. It now feels like forever ago, yet was less than a year, when we lost him; a faithful friend...the best dog I've ever had. And the world seemed less bright and certainly empty as we buried him at the edge of our property where the endless sky meets the waving prairie grasses.

I, too, am looking across the horizon and wondering what awaits me. It has truly been a year of loss, and my view these days is across an unfamiliar landscape. I put my trust in a future that will no longer be, and in someone who's decided that he doesn't really love me after all.

It took several months to get a grasp on that fact; to start lining up ducks and stop stumbling through a maze of darkness and grief. I'm not there yet - to the place I need to be - and I'm still searching for that familiar sky of blue where my heart felt peace and I knew where I belonged. It's difficult to redefine "home," but if it really is where the heart lies, then I belong many places. And in a time of uncertainty and loss, that's nice to know.

So for now I'll follow suit in the steps of a kind blue healer, look out into the beautiful, vast world and promise myself that with the approaching spring awaits new life...and new hope.


Mike said...

My friend Lori:

Glad to see you back. Sounds like the "weather" has been rough for you. I am here for ya if you need someone to talk to.

~Brenda said...

I like the perspective of G.T.’s photo. I now understand why the long absence since you have posted; I'm sorry to read what you are going through.

John said...

While it might seem like a cheesy saying, "Home is where the heart is" means, to me, that where I am right now--at this very moment--is truly where I need to be. Pain can not be circumvented, you must navigate right through the middle of it to get to the other side. At times it feels like the darkest of dark forests, and when you come to an opening you see nothing of promise, but like your sweet dog can see, an opening is a good place to see that there still is a horizon. Continue to walk toward the horizon.

Julie said...

I have been where you are Lori and believe me when I say there is a way through. I'm so sorry that life has been so harsh with you but keep aiming for those blue skies and you will come through it. love to you x

srp said...

Isaiah 40:31 has always helped me... especially when I came to the same place you are at now... it isn't easy but one day at a time.. sometimes for me it was even one hour or minute at a time... getting through it forced me to depend more on God and that is the blessing I received out of the dark times.
"But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

Cheryl said...

Lori, it's good to see you posting again. Perhaps the writing will help with perspective.

John's got great insight, as usual. We Americans tend not to want to feel things, but sadness (grief) is a part of the healing process. You'll get there, sweet lady. My thoughts and prayers are with you.